Failure is a Building Block to Success!
Sunday, June 23, 2019 at 9:40AM Failure is not the final. Failure does not mean you are an embarrassment, and it does not mean that you are unworthy of good things. Failure is not your identity. Much of Doug’s success stems from his beliefs about failure. Mistakes are part of progress. They teach you; they move you forward. Disappointments inform better decisions. Failure is clarity, an education. It is data on how to make healthier changes.
Doug’s life is an example of how to turn these hardships into hope. Rising above adversity starts with your foundational beliefs about yourself. The mindset of success is not something that you are born with; it is something that you cultivate. Doug’s mother – “Mamma Luff” – nurtured this winning mentality throughout his life. She has always been his faithful advocate, the consistent voice of encouragement and truth. “The me I see is the me I will be” is Mamma Luff’s signature phrase that resonates throughout Doug’s story. It means that the way you see yourself is important. The vision you have for your life will become your trajectory. The vision that people speak over your life impacts you, too.
Mamma Luff was a hardworking single mother who always knew that her son was meant for more than the poverty he grew up in. Even during the times Doug hung around negative people and toxic friends, she believed in him with unwavering confidence, which made Doug want to grow into the person his mother always knew he could become.
One of his greatest desires is to make his mother proud. Her voice was more important that the voices of the others that told him he couldn’t; her voice was more prominent than his insecurity and self-doubt. Eventually, her voice became his inner voice that insisted: “You can do this!” In fact, is the very thing that eventually impressed former President Bill Clinton so much: “[Doug] had a mother who helped him to believe in himself.” (Watch Me Rise, 215).
When Doug joined the breakdance community of troubled kids who were also from unstable home environments, his mother still firmly held that Doug needed to go to college. Despite his troubled past and even though none of his friends were on the same path, she knew that college was his opportunity to build a better life. Her conviction allowed Doug to come to believe it as well. He believed it so fervently that he did not give up on his dream when his high school guidance counselor told him that “you’re just not college material” - even after Doug tried to meet with him three separate times. Those harsh words could have defined him. He could have accepted it as the truth. But he knew his truth, the identity his mother had spoken over him. He did not let someone else’s opinion become his reality.
The setbacks were not the end of the story; after each one, Doug chose to continue towards his college dream. The happy ending was not as straightforward as making one decision – to go to college – and seeing it happen. There was not just one turning point, but several moments when Doug rededicated himself to his college dream. He imagined how to create a better future for himself, and saw that education was a way out of poverty.
After the devastating responses from the guidance counselor, he looked for another way. He got a higher-paying after-school job, which brought more resolve and further confirmation that college had to be the next step. His determination and focus changed how he filled his schedule and how his friends and teachers saw him. With his family homeless and caring for a newborn sister, Doug still did not give up. He could have made excuses, but instead he took control of his future by meeting with a counselor at an Educational Opportunity Center (EOC) Trio program for low-income, first-generation college students. He qualified for the program and they made a plan. The general dream of going to college had now been turned into an actionable approach. He did the research, he filled out the forms, and he got the scholarships. Then, the acceptance letters came in from all five schools to which he applied. They affirmed what Mamma Luff knew all along: Douglas Luffborough is college material.
Doug attended his top college choice: Northeastern University. He overcame difficult roommates and temptations to party in order to make the most of the opportunities that were now available to him. He became a resident assistant (RA) by his sophomore year, participated in the Cooperative Education “Co-op” program that allowed him to receive work experience in his field of study, and was a member of the choral society. All of these experiences led him to one of the most pivotal moments in his life: becoming the student commencement speaker at his graduation, preceding the keynote address by President of the United States, Bill Clinton.
Doug was an unlikely candidate for public speaking. He was held back in the third grade, where he developed a stuttering impediment. His phobia of reading in public continued into high school to the point where reading aloud in English class produced so much anxiety that he asked to go to the bathroom to avoid doing it. And yet, after finishing his audition for commencement speaker at Northeastern, Doug reflects, “There was no trace of the stuttering impediment that plagued me…It was not an overnight transformation, but this was when public speaking became natural to me, as natural as breathing.” (Watch Me Rise, 181). Now, Doug is a heart-inspired public speaker whose words have moved a multitude of people.
Success was built upon what once seemed like a failure. These “failures” were completely redeemed. Each moment of adversity clarified what actually mattered to him. With a redemptive perspective, failure can fuel your future. Failure is only the end of the road if you believe it to be. You can train your mentality to not let failure have the final say. Find the positive outcomes of every negative situation. This does not invalidate the struggle or the suffering, but it liberates you to become better than you were before.
There is purpose to suffering if you stay in it just long enough to let it shape you. Then, let it go. Grief will leave its mark, but also honoring the experience of your emotions will lead to real freedom. The disappointments that you will inevitably encounter are not about getting stuck in the sadness, but learning to move forward anyways. It’s okay if your only forward motion is stumbling an inch; you are still moving in the right direction. We are not in this life only to experience happiness but to pursue purpose. Beyond the disappointment, there is a way forward. There are lessons to be learned. There are opportunities to grow, if we can adjust our perspective to see them. The beginning is going to be messy. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You will fall down, but you always have the choice to rise – again and again and again.
How have you overcome failure or disappointment? What doors did it open for you? What keeps you moving forward?
We’d love to hear your responses in the comments! If you’d like help processing what is going on in your life, please feel free to email Dr. Luff at dougluff@gmail.com.
